Oh Baby, Baby – Boy and a Girl? Maybe!
by Stef Daniel
As soon as you dare to spread the news that you are pregnant with twins, you will begin to hear the social ignorance of everyone, from the check out woman at Wal-Mart to your own family! The first thing most people will say is “maybe you will have a boy and a girl, then you can be done!” As if! Who’s to say you don’t want 4 kids or 12 for that matter? And whose to say that having two boys or two girls will be a let down of any kind? Not this mama!
The whole scenario will play out like this! When you find out you are having two girls, a host of male chauvinistic pigs (both men and women) will begin to prod you about that son you are supposed to have. The twin’s father will instantly get all those ‘woe is you’ looks and pats on the back as if HE will be the one suffering with two daughters! Has no one else heard of the strife that can occur between mother and daughter? Then, if you are having two boys, those same people will pat the father of the little guys on the back as if to say “Good going!” You may even hear people say things like “you did it right the first time around, huh?” Realize, in this scenario, there is no mention of when you plan to have that little girl you always dreamed of? No matter how far we come in the feminist movement, once you are pregnant, you realize all too quickly that things haven’t changed all that much!
Tons of women, too many to count in fact, feel a false sense of failure if they don’t bear a son for their husband. Moreover, certainly many dads out there feel that they must have a son. However, the bottom line is that it is something no one has much control over. You get what you get! It’s almost as if twin pregnancies put this little battle of the unborn sex’s routine under a microscope and magnify it ten fold. Whether you have two of the same or one of each, you will love them just the same! There isn’t one option that is ideally better or worse than the other. You should try your best to build some thick skin, especially since all of this talk now is mild compared to what it will be like when they get here!
Part of having multiples involves learning how to deal with the general and close public. You should point out how narrow-minded and sexist their comments are, and you should defend both yourself and your up and coming family as soon as possible. So many folks honestly think that having twin girls is a disappointment for you and your husband. Since it’s not, let them know that you couldn’t be more thrilled! When they ask about the boy or your impending plans for the boy, point out their ignorance in a sobering way. You are pregnant; you can get away with just about any degree of rudeness and instability under the cover of hormones! Don’t allow people to change the way you feel about your babies or to lessen the event because you didn’t get what it is “they” wanted.
On the flip side, understand that it is normal to feel some sort of disappointment about what you may be having. This is true for single or twin pregnancies. Sometimes, moms have a dream in their mind of having a special mother-daughter or mother-son relationship and almost feel as if it is shattered when the sexes are revealed on the ultrasound. Just because it may turn out differently than you imagined doesn’t mean that it has turned out bad! Realize that different, very much of the time, means better. Take the time you need to accept and digest the way you feel about what you are having before you divulge it to anyone else. You may not know it now, especially if these two are your first, but the minute you see them you will wonder what in the world you were thinking! In that moment, nothing could be more perfect then exactly what it is you got!
What do you think? Oh Baby, Baby – Boy and a Girl? Maybe!