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Managing Meltdowns
Author: Jeannie Fleming-Gifford
Toddlers. Most of the time they are active, adorable, and adventurous. Other times, they can be quite a challenge. With growing opinions, strength, and stamina, sometimes they “roar.” “Roar,” as in, total meltdown. Such moments can be quite a sight and include crying, screaming, shouting, pounding, and stomping.
Whether you are in public or at home, you may feel overwhelmed and unprepared to handle their outbursts. Sometimes you may understand the root of the problem. There are also times you may have no idea what has triggered such a display.
What to do?
*First, keep your cool. This is the time to take your deepest breath and shift down a few gears. Your child has lost control. You cannot. Your child is depending on you for guidance, support, and direction on how to navigate this situation.
*Keep it quiet. Instinct may fuel your desire to raise your voice and to use words like “stop it.” Go another direction. Whisper. Reassure. Empathize. If you know the trigger for this outburst, begin with “I understand you are upset about…”
*Look for the happy compromise. Can’t give your child what they want? Can you find another solution? For example, a toddler who has dropped their sticker and it is nowhere to be found may be happy with a different sticker.
*Redirect. No idea what has just happened and why? Try to redirect your child. Re-engagement is a wonderful tactic, especially when out in public. It can be as simple as changing the focus of your child. Track down something that will be of interest to your child and navigate them in that direction.
*Remove your child and yourself from the situation. When nothing else is working and the ship is sinking fast, it’s time to abandon the ship. Even if you are right in the middle of a shopping trip, but nothing else is working, it’s time to go. Remember to keep your cool. Hold your child in your arms, smile, and politely nod at individuals who may stop and/or stare. Chances are they have been there too.
*Keep your child safe. If your toddler has lost all control and decides to throw him/herself on the floor, your #1 priority is to keep them safe. If out in a public area, pick them up (again breathe…) and hold them firmly, but lovingly. Leave the scene. When you have made it to the car or to an exterior space where they can be safely put down, allow your child the chance to release their energies. Again, be sure they are safe. Your job is to provide support and keep them safe.
*Evaluate and re-evaluate. When the moment has passed, reflect. Is your child overly tired? Hungry? Are there other stressors occurring in the household and/or other changes taking place in their lives (i.e. change in caregiver)? What can/could you do differently?
*Talk. Keep things simple, but DO talk about the “bump in the road” with your child. Help provide simple words to communicate their needs and/or feelings.
Managing a meltdown isn’t easy, but it is possible. Breathe.
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