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Question: Being in control of a toddler instead of controlled by one
When I talk in a stern voice to my son its doesnt affect in AT ALL. His father has barely ever been around but when he was around for like a few weeks all he had to do is say "get down" in a deep voice or "put that down" and as soon as Connor heard his deep serious voice he would listen to whatever he was being told, but no matter how I speak to him he just ignores and and continues what hes doing, or even worse when I am at the poinnt where im really frustrated and Im basically yelling he LAUGHS at me... Its so frustrating because his father is never goin to be around and I need to figure out how to gain respect as a single mother before its to late and he learns how to walk all over me because im a single mother...
Re: Being in control of a toddler instead of controlled by one
I'm going through almost the same thing with my daughter. She's 2. My daughter will pretty much ignor me or just like you said, if i'm really getting frustrated she laughs at me. She always listens to her Dad. I've tried time outs. Some times they work. Other times they don't even phase her. Her Dad always tells me that i need to put some bass in my voice so that she knows i'm being serious. I've tried but still nothing. He also says that i need to pick and choose my battles which i do agree with. I do need to do that more. I know just how you're feeling. Very frustrated. I feel like she's purposely acting out and testing me at all times. I'm interested in hearing others responses to this question. Good luck!
Re: Being in control of a toddler instead of controlled by one
Oh I agreee that we need to pick and choose our battles but I feel like no matter how much I try and make my voice sound serious it wont matter because the deepness in his father (or any mans) voice is what makes him be like uh oh I better stop... and unfortunately its really not pysically possible to make my voice sound like that lol and time out doesnt work for me because he is delayed in his communication/speech skills so I have no clue if he even understtands or is phase by the fact that hes in time out.... ugghh its so hard to know when you are getting through to them!!!
Re: Being in control of a toddler instead of controlled by one
if your voice isn't effective you may have to try cause an effect with follow through. give him one and ONLY ONE warning. something like, put that down or you're going in time out. if he ignores you, you have to actually follow through. immediatly and calmly put him in time out. if he gets up, sit him back down. don't show any emotion tho because thats when he is the one in control. you can't use threats because if they know you wont actually ever follow a threat. if hes too young for time out, use a warning and then taking away something. eventually he'll understand that when mommy gives him a warning, mommy really will take away something he likes and will start to listen. he'll probably throw tantrums while you're starting the follow through steps for a while, but just ignore it. if he sees throwing a tantrum wont get his toy back eventually he'll try being good. i know its so much harder than it sounds, but when a child doesn't listen to commands it can be dangerous and follow through is the best way i know to do it. stick in there mama
Re: Being in control of a toddler instead of controlled by one
i kind of have asimilar problem with my 10 month old. she listens to me once in a while depending on her mood. if i try to physically have her let go of something she isnt spose to have (ex: toilet paper or remote or phone) or move her away from something i dont want her near (the toilet and playing with the blue water that daddy insists on using) she will get physically viloent. she will kick, hit, pull hair, and as of recantly try to bite. i am concerned because she is so young and she is being incuraged by all the guys in the family to keep on doing it cuz they laugh when she does it. they dont have hair long enough to pull and compared to her size when she hits or kicks its more of a game of patty-cake to them (although daddy got a taste of what i feel like when she bit him yesterday :) ha!) so i not oly have to correct her i am also trying to correct them. with my brothers and sister when i said "get down" with serious face they listened. i dont understand what changed now that i am older and a mama. if i figure this out i will let u know and i hope u can do the same if u figure it out before me. but just so u know ur not alone :)
Re: Being in control of a toddler instead of controlled by one
I am going through the same thing also except I have two girls. They are 3 and 2. They hit me and yell and scream and it does not matter what I do, it does not work. They're daddy on the other hand can tell them to doing something one time or to stop doing something and its like they are robots. I can't stand it! I am to the point that I am completly fed up with it.
Re: Being in control of a toddler instead of controlled by one
I say do it right back and see if they like it. I'm sure they won't. Then say, "see, that doesn't feel very good, does it?" Or, you could do what my friend did when her kids were little. She would give them time out and sit on them(gently of course)if they tried to get up. They didn't try to get up very often, because they didn't like thier mother on them. :) Try whatever approach you want first and then go on to the next. If neither one works, I don't have the slightest idea what you should do. Good luck!
Re: Being in control of a toddler instead of controlled by one
As a teacher, counselor, and stepmother I can tell you that consequences and follow-through will help with your troubles. Both positive consequences (rewards for appropriate behavior) and negative consequences (time out and taking away things they like) change everyone's behavior. However, the most important thing is for you to follow-through with what you say. If you (anyone) tells a child (or anyone else for that matter) that you're going to do something then don't, they will not take you seriously and that is where the laughing comes from. You have to follow-through with that you say your are going to do. If you say time out for 5 minutes, you have to keep that child there for 5 minutes and start the time over every time they get up. Eventually it will work. You could also try watching the show "Nanny 911." All of the techniques Jo uses on there are evidence based behavior modification techniques. And, you'll also hear her say that "follow-through" is essential! Good luck and best wishes.
Re: Being in control of a toddler instead of controlled by one
I can relate to this story. I have a 2 yearold well she will be 3 in a few weeks. I am slowly geting her to listen to me. Her attitude changed once she started daycare to the point she would not listen to me she wanted to start kicking, pulling hair and bite. I talked with our family doctor and she suggest that since it is hard to get a 2 year old to do time out bring her carseat in the house and make her do time out in it. It has worked to show her I mean what I say. Maybe this can help some of y'all out as well..Best wishes..Toddlers are fun
Re: Being in control of a toddler instead of controlled by one
I am a 2 year old teacher and I experience this daily. You have to keep your voice firm and use words that they will understand. Instead of saying "put that down" say "*child's name* if you do not put that toy down when I count to three than you wil be going in time out" do the count down so they have time to think about it and if they chose not to listen than put them in a quiet corner. You have to stay firm in your time out as well. If they continue to get up put them back in the quiet corner and re-start their time. This may take a few times but the child will get the hint. When putting them in time out you have to explain to time why they are there and what they did was not accessable then don't talk to them when you continue to put them back. Once their time is up then explain to them why you put them in the corner and tell them you love them and ask for a hug. You have to keep your quiet corner consistant as well. It can not be locking your child in their room with all their toys.
Re: Being in control of a toddler instead of controlled by one
If you have others in the house that are encouraging your child to do things in which you dont want them to do. Simply Sit down with the others and explain to them that you are tring to discourage your child from doing said things and tell them flat out that they can either stop encouraging these actions or they can leave when you are disciplining your child.
i kind of have asimilar problem with my 10 month old. she listens to me once in a while depending on her mood. if i try to physically have her let go of something she isnt spose to have (ex: toilet paper or remote or phone) or move her away from something i dont want her near (the toilet and playing with the blue water that daddy insists on using) she will get physically viloent. she will kick, hit, pull hair, and as of recantly try to bite. i am concerned because she is so young and she is being incuraged by all the guys in the family to keep on doing it cuz they laugh when she does it. they dont have hair long enough to pull and compared to her size when she hits or kicks its more of a game of patty-cake to them (although daddy got a taste of what i feel like when she bit him yesterday :) ha!) so i not oly have to correct her i am also trying to correct them. with my brothers and sister when i said "get down" with serious face they listened. i dont understand what changed now that i am older and a mama. if i figure this out i will let u know and i hope u can do the same if u figure it out before me. but just so u know ur not alone :)
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