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Forums » Specialty » New to EverdayFamily!

6/17/2012, 8:44 PM

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Mary

Posts: 1 Joined: 6/17/2012 Last Post: 6/17/2012

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Question: Grandparents raising grandchildren.

I do not see anything related to this topic. I am a grandmother raising my grandchildren. At 44it is like being a new mother again... I in my own opinion am too old to be doing this again after all of these years. The issue that I am having is the way I discipline my grandchildren is not how my husband was as a disiplinarian. This is causing issues. He did not raise his son, I raised both of my children and as I said am now raising the grandchildren. Any advice on how to meet in the middle on this topic?

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6/19/2012, 1:01 PM

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Jamie

Posts: 1 Joined: 6/19/2012 Last Post: 6/19/2012

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Re: Grandparents raising grandchildren.

In my opinion 44 is not old at all... I'm 28 and my husband will be 40 this yr we have a 16 month old together and he has a daughter who is turning 18 next month. We struggled with discipline as well he worked a lot when his daughter was young and her mom was strict didn't do baby talk ect. And there daughter listened well and was a really well behaved child...... Now our daughter is a wild child and is fearless a a handful at times total opposite of his daughter so we fought about how to handle her he wanted to treat her just like his other daughter but it doesn't work for her I think it all depends on the child and after leaving him alone with her for a day he began to understand where I was coming from and what doesn't work for her. I let him take over just to prove my point and he got it loud and clear.

6/19/2012, 1:43 PM

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KimberlyTanakaTittle

Posts: 1 Joined: 5/1/2012 Last Post: 6/19/2012

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Re: Grandparents raising grandchildren.

Why are you feeling old at 44? I am 40 and am just going to deliver my second child in a couple of months. I have many friends in their 40's with very young children, so being in your 40's with kids is not unusual in this day. There are many websites and books out there for raising children according to their personality types, and it would be good to get your hands on those, and discuss with your husband the best methods so you are on the same page. If not, you will wind up with many problems due to inconsistencies down the road.

Best of luck to you. Those children are lucky to have family to care for them if their own parents can't. You are doing a good thing, so keep that in mind.

6/19/2012, 10:37 PM

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Zobugs

Posts: 1 Joined: 6/13/2012 Last Post: 6/19/2012

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Re: Grandparents raising grandchildren.

This is definitely de ja vu. I know someone who's in your situation. I truly believe that anyone who ends up in this situation is a saint. I would only hope that if something should happen to her father and I, that my parents would do the same. I think that it would be overwhelming at first, but with already raising your own, you will eventually get your mommy mojo back. Discipline can be a very hard topic for most couples. Usually there's a good/bad guy. For the most, make sure that the kiddos are happy. I'm not sure of what brought them to you, but hopefully it was nothing traumatic. I personally believe that each child is unique. One form of discipline might work for one, but not another. Also, by raising your own children, you have learned from your mistakes. You should sit down with your spouse and discuss what methods of discipline you agree on and what you don't. Do a pros/cons list of your ideas. Lastly, come to an agreement and stick to your guns. United stand strong, divided you fall.

6/20/2012, 1:34 PM

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twj1970

Posts: 1 Joined: 6/3/2012 Last Post: 6/20/2012

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Re: Grandparents raising grandchildren.

First of all, youre too young to be a grandma.lol But thats how things are these days. I became a new daddy at 40 when my first son was born. Now Im 6 months away from having my 2nd child arrive before I turn 42. My friends say" why are you doing this now?lol Most of them had thier children in thier 20s and glad they are done with that. On the other hand I am very happy I am doing it now. In my early years I was more self centered and much less patient. I think the best parents are in thier 40s. Usually by then you have made enough mistakes to know how to get it right the second time around. Thats why everybody loves grandma:) They are fortunate to have you. Enjoy your grandchildren.

6/20/2012, 2:54 PM

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Pam

Posts: 1 Joined: 6/20/2012 Last Post: 6/20/2012

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Re: Grandparents raising grandchildren.

In Response to Grandparents raising grandchildren.:

I do not see anything related to this topic. I am a grandmother raising my grandchildren. At 44it is like being a new mother again... I in my own opinion am too old to be doing this again after all of these years. The issue that I am having is the way I discipline my grandchildren is not how my husband was as a disiplinarian. This is causing issues. He did not raise his son, I raised both of my children and as I said am now raising the grandchildren. Any advice on how to meet in the middle on this topic?
Posted by Mary

Mary, I am a 42 year old grandmother of three. I too am facing raising my grandchildren. After raising my son, I too thought I was done raising kids and looking foward to life as a grandparent and 'free spirit'. Did not thin I would be looking at raising children at my age, got it out of the way when I was younger. 44 is not too old, just unexpected. Many people are just starting their families in their 40's.

As to the discipline, you and your husband need to sit down and come up with a parenting style together. If this does not work, seek out friends that parent together and have conversations with them to find out what works (friends your husband likes and respects). Or seek out a perenting coach or parenting support group. There are support groups out there for grandparents raising grandchildren. They do exisit and they do help.

My heart goes out to you as I know what you are facing, facing it here myself. My husband and I dont see eye to eye. We are going to a support group before knowing if our grandchildren will come to live with us or not. Getting a handle on it before it becomes our reality.

Good luck to you and feel blessed and not like you have taken on a burden.

6/20/2012, 5:34 PM

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Sharon

Posts: 1 Joined: 6/20/2012 Last Post: 6/20/2012

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Re: Grandparents raising grandchildren.

I helped raise my 5 grandchildren had them all living with me. at about the same age, I am 70 and have great grand baby i watch for grandaughter. you are young hang in there

Edited on 6/20/2012 by Sharon

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