Related Articles
EVERYONE’S FAVORITE Groups
Disciplining the Dynamic Duo
Author: Stef Daniel
The toddler years are perfect for beginning to implement discipline for your twins. The problem is that you have to realize that you are disciplining two different children and even if they are identical physically, emotionally they will respond differently. The trick is finding what works for each child and sticking to it.
Perhaps the best way to start is with the time out. Using a common place for a time out that is universal to any place you may go is a great way to keep this consistent. The refrigerator is a good choice. When a time out is called for, make them sit in front of or facing the refrigerator for 2 to 3 minutes. When they try to get up, whine, or just can't sit a second longer, simply set the timer (allow them to hold it) and redirect them. Part of the problem with twins is you will find that the "good" twin will feel intimidated by the negative attention their sibling is getting. They may even be tempted to get into trouble themselves just to compete. Set the stage early on that discipline is not a form of wanted attention.
Time outs don't work forever. Around two, the time out will take much more effort on your part and you will find that they don't mind it much at all. Therefore, it no longer becomes discipline. The biggest problem behavior-wise that you are bound to face is them wanting to have the same toy at the same time! Even if you have two of the same toy, they will always want what the other has. Usually, the twins themselves get pretty good at manipulating each other by pretending that they don't want it anymore and finding something better long enough for their sibling to drop the initial toy. The best discipline is to simply take the toy away. Using a laundry basket on top of the fridge is a good way to take toys in lieu of discipline. Then teach them how to earn it back. Sharing is a fantastic skill they will use for the rest of their lives and they will be light years ahead of other kids by time they get to school because twins are naturally used to sharing.
Toddler twins have a great way of complimenting each other. While one may brush their teeth and go to bed without a fuss, the other will fight both routines every step of the way. Unfortunately, this means that every routine feat in your household is bound to have one unhappy camper! Keep your cool and remember that they are simply two children with different needs. Try to address them personally WITHOUT saying things like "your sister brushes her teeth like a big girl, why can't you?" This is the biggest discipline mistake parents of twins make and causes resentment as the years go by. Allow them to be individuals when you discipline them and modify your techniques to suit each kid. While time out may work for one twin until they are 11, the other may not care too much! Change your rules and remain consistent with both of them. Instead of time outs for the twin who seems to like sitting by the fridge, take a toy away for the day or tell them they won't be able to have a snack.
Discipline should always have a goal of learning in mind. If what you are doing isn't really teaching them anything (and pay attention to their age), then it is a waste of time. Discipline should invoke a call to action in your children and shouldn't be done in anger. Just like regular siblings, twins need to be respected for their personality and emotions, and their response to discipline. You will notice that as soon as one twin is in trouble, the other may feel badly about it and actually gang up on you! Use the fact that they are twins as an opportunity to explain the rights and wrongs of life to both. This way they will understand why brother is in trouble and may be less likely to do it themselves.
The biggest struggle for parents when it comes to disciplining twins is remaining calm. Anyone who has ever seen two 2-year-olds in a heated fight knows that in the moment, it is difficult to decide what is going on. Try to consider how frustrating it must be for them to always have a sibling that is exactly at their level and always in their presence. Take measures to spend time with them apart from time to time. Beyond that, you will find that discipline for twins really is the same as for singles, it takes persistence and patience on the part of the parents.
Home > Toddler > Tips Specific to Multiples > Disciplining the Dynamic Duo
