Tuesday’s Top 10 – Grossest Things Kids and Moms Do
Tuesday, July 12th, 2011
It didn’t take long for me to figure out that the business of having and raising children is not for those with weak stomachs. While a newborn may smell clean and fresh after a bath, you can pretty much guarantee that he or she is going to grow into a pretty disgusting creature before too long. It’s funny, but before I had children I can remember that even thinking about germs would cause me to cringe every time I heard someone sneeze or go into a coughing fit. I was NEVER the kind of girlfriend that would “hold your hair” while you vomited in the bathroom at the bar. Now, through motherhood, I have been conditioned to barely even notice these things and even engage in some admittedly pretty gross behaviors of my own.
The purpose of this "Tuesday’s Top 10" is to find humor in the ten most disgusting things that children and mothers do, that don’t seem nearly as disgusting once you become a parent.
1. Picking of the nose. It’s not the actually picking of the nose that bothers me so much, it’s what children do with the boogers. Eating boogers is something that is deserves to be on an episode of “Fear Factor.” There are children who won’t eat vegetables or a hamburger, but will gladly eat their boogers. (Yes, many adults sit in their cars thinking that no one can see them, and do this too.)
2. Playing in the toilet. I’m not even a fan of cleaning the toilet (yet another reason not to play in it), but toddlers (and older children) will happily sail their toy boats or splash their hands around in its water. I’m not sure, but I am thinking that no amount of hand sanitizer can actually really make their hands clean again.
3. Looking at their poop. Really, what is the fascination? I can see how a toddler might enjoy reveling in their own “production”, but beyond that – what’s the point? Sometimes even my older children (please don’t tell them I told you) will call me into the bathroom so that I can see their turd! They think it’s hilarious, but I think it’s gross. I think they do this to mess with me.
4. Sharing food with strangers. I am really proud that my child wants to share their chicken-nuggets or ice cream cone with any strange child they met at the McDonald’s Play Land, really I am, but do you have to let them actually take a bite, lick or suck through the same straw? For the record, the sippy cup that you send to daycare for YOUR child is definitely being passed around the room like a beer-bong!
5. Eating food from the floor. The five second rule applies when you are at home, but I have seen far too many children pickup and eat French fries that have been dropped onto the floors of food restaurants and school cafeterias. Or dislodge previously chewed gum from the playground, from under tables or from anything else, and then EAT it! According to most children, any candy that is found underneath the couch cushions is fair game, regardless of how long it has been there.
6. Cleaning things with spit. Okay moms, fess up; you have washed your child’s face with your own spit. Maybe you have spit on your t-shirt first and then wiped your child’s face, but the bottom line is that motherhood completely changes the meaning of the term “swapping spit!”
7. Eating AFTER their children. How many times per day do you finish your toddler’s meal or pickup their half-eaten pop tart from off of the floor and eat it instead of throwing it away? Or, if your child puts something in their mouth and then decides that they don’t like it, they will hand it to you. I would be willing to bet that despite the fact it is wet and mushy, you still eat it! Oh, for those of you with young babies, I know that you chew food and then give it to your baby!!!
8. Sniffing other’s butts or doing the “finger test.” Lifting your baby up in order to smell their hind-quarters or blindly risking your hand sanitation by sticking your finger into the side of your baby’s diaper to see whether or not it needs to be changed, are just a part of motherhood; but are gross nonetheless.
9. Wiping noses. I have seen mothers wipe snot-bubbles from their child’s face with their bare hands, allow them to blow their nose on the corner of their blouse, and other less than inviting nose-wiping techniques. Thank God I have yet to see a mom eat her (or her child’s) boogers; we will leave that one to the kiddos.
10. Catching vomit (or other bodily fluids). It’s amazing how a mom’s arms can extend up to ten feet when their child is about to throw up. Once you catch that vomit with your bare hands what, pray tell, are you going to do with it?
Sadly, there are tons more! What are some of the things your child (OR YOU) have done that the “pre-parenthood you” would have found utterly disgusting?!