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The Punishment Should Fit the Crime
Thursday, August 04, 2011 by Jeannie Fleming-Gifford
The other day I was chatting with one of my buddies. We were sharing stories from our adventures as parents. The great thing about parenthood is that it is never dull. The day I found out I was pregnant, I somehow was transported to the longest roller coaster ride ever. I wouldn't trade this thrill ride for anything.
With that said, some days are just more challenging than others.
I think I am doomed to a life of hell with a teenage girl. I say this with all the love and hope in the world. The reason why I say this is that I have been blessed with the sweetest little girl. The word "punishment" is foreign to our house. Yes, there have been a few times where I have sat her on her bed or left her to thrash out her frustrations (ensuring her safety, of course), but all in all, it's been a relatively smooth ride through the toddler and early preschool years. Gulp.
The current challenge of one of my buddies is that their little one has taken to peeing, just about anywhere and everywhere. Long past the potty training stage, her parents are stumped. Is she looking for attention? Perhaps she is pretending to be the new puppy that has entered their household. They have ruled out a physical problem. The mystery continues.
On a recent Sunday morning, this little one decided to take a pee on the family couch. This is definitely not good.
Where do you go from here?
When it comes to these bumps in the road, I'm always going back to the basics:
What do I want to teach my child?
I have to admit, if my child goes to the bathroom on the couch - seemingly purposefully, I'm going to be ticked. This is why so many parenting books remind us to take a deep breath, count to 10 (or 100 if needed), and then respond.
This family's response was to request that their little girl help clean it up. After toddlerhood, I definitely agree that this is appropriate. It is no longer just mommy's and daddy's "job" to clean up from toileting. Helping to keep our body clean is part of growing up, and I think it's a fair expectation to involve any preschooler and beyond in that process.
Well, the little girl's response?
Forget about it. She dug her heels in and decided that cleaning up was not going to be her choice.
So, where to go now?
Where would you go now?
In this instance, the family decided to pull the plug on another privilege the little one enjoys: television. Specifically, no television for a week.
A week? How long is a week in the eyes of a child? Do little children understand the concept of time? How will the impact of not watching television help the child understand that peeing on the couch is not an appropriate desirable behavior?
Now, I'm pretty much an anti-television girl. Actually, it's the commercials that I can't stand, which is why our household has been television free - as in no TV other than weekly-borrowed DVDs from the library for over a year. (Yes, we still do have electric and flushing toilets.) BUT...I do value the twenty minutes of daily "Dora" that has helped me pay a few bills, put away some clothes, or simply go to the bathroom in peace.
Who will this "no TV for a week" really punish?
Will the family really be able to keep to the punishment they doled out?
Hmmm...
If I would have walked in these parents' shoes that day, I would have decided to be as stubborn as the little munchkin at the moment. Until there was assistance in cleaning up the pee, there would have been nothing else that happened. Nothing. I would have just waited.
Yes, sometimes following the plan above interrupts MY day.
It gets in the way of MY plans.
But, that's parenthood.
What about you?
Have you had to "punish" your child for an inappropriate or undesirable behavior?
Did your punishment fit the crime?
