I have a confession to make, which may come as a surprise to even those who know me well. I am a smoking hot mama!
Now, before you simply click away thinking I am being egotistical, hear me out. What I mean is that I smoke cigarettes. Yes, very stupid – I know. In fact, I know so much about the multitude of reasons to quit that it surprises even me that I hide behind bushes and walls to sneak cigarettes like a teenager. But I do.
Even more interesting than my bad habit is that it is a habit that is shared by many mothers. The PTA president, the principal, the favorite teacher at school, the goody-goody two shoes room mother, and plenty of other moms I know. I know this because I have surprisingly caught them hiding behind mortar walls at ballparks, sneaking quick drags in parking lots before going grocery shopping, and buying them in the middle of the night at Wal-Mart.
What is funny is that ALL of us in the secret smokers club hide our habits. We don’t smoke in our homes or cars, and we certainly don’t smoke where kids can see us. When my children have friends over, I hide behind the barn to make sure their friends and their friends’ parents don’t know I smoke, lest I be judged.
So, how and why do I participate in something that brings such self-shame?
I’m not really sure.
I know that I have quit every time I have been pregnant, only to start back again as I discontinued nursing. I know that I hate being a smoker and am ashamed of the habit (obvious by my hiding), and I also know that it sets a bad example for my children, which is why I don’t do it in public. I also know that other moms I know who smoke feel the same way as I do. So we hide and end up meeting one another in the oddest of places as we stumble across each other’s habits and form some silent camaraderie. It’s as if we are in a secret club – and as soon as one sees the other’s lighter hiding in under the ring finger… we are friends. (Even if we aren’t). Ridiculous, funny, I know.
Now, before the iron hammer of judgment comes down on me and the cessation advice flows in… I ask you – what do you do or what habits do you have – which now that you have become a mother, changes the way you feel about it? Be honest!!! What are you hiding?
Seemingly, motherhood changes our opinions about everything – even ourselves… now if only it was strong enough to make those pesky nicotine cravings go away!
What do you think? Smoking Hot Mama’s