My Husband is No Longer Attracted to Me

Monday, June 17th, 2013 by from Mom, Myself, & I

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For many women, having children takes quite a toll on their self-confidence and sexuality. Obviously, pregnancy causes many changes both physcially, physiologically and emotionally that can make women feel less attractive to their partners.  And, when self esteem starts to fizzle out, it is only natural to think that the man you love won’t find you attractive either.  The results that this can have on your marriage can be catastrophic, if you dont take a minute to put things into perspective.  

For one thing, your husband – especially in the immediate few months after having a baby, may be a little freaked out about how to go about resuming a sex life.  Let’s be real, seeing the product of sex firsthand, and experiencing the sleepless nights, leaky boobs, and transformation of the woman they love can be enough to make any man be standoffish.  Secondly, not only did your body change – but your priroities did as well.  Whereas prior to children you and your partner may had more free time (and energy) for intimacy – the introduction of kid to a marriage can blow your ‘regularly scheduled programming’ to smithereens.  Getting back on course can take time, patience and planning. 

And of course, there is a good chance that your own insecurities about your body – maybe the extra stretchmark, or few extra pound, or hormones, may be making you slightly more sensitve than necessary.  

A common thing for a woman to do when a relationship changes in any way is to immediately assume that their husband is no longer attracted to them. But you don’t have to go there.  (Really, you dont!) There is no reason to victimize yourself by feeling like you are no longer pretty enough, or hot enough, or sexy enough for your partner.  A survey conducted by NetMums of over 3,000 women revealed that the vast majority of woman felt that their partners saw them as mothers rather than lovers once they had children.  In fact, only 12% thought that their partner would describe them as ‘sexy.’  

But what do men really think?  

According to several loose studies out of such places as Cosmopolitan, Marie Claire, The Huffington Post and Mens Health – men are a little turned off when their partners gain weight.  However, most men expect their partner to gain weight after childbirth and are actually looking forward to rekindling their sex life post pregnancy. What turns men off more than a few extra pounds, is a lack of self-confidence in the woman that they love.  In other words, if you are constantly putting yourself down or getting dressed in the dark, then it just may be your insecurity that is zapping the sex drive.  

The best thing that you can do if you feel that your partner is not attracted to you is to come straight out and ask them.  Once a sexual disconnect occurs in a relationship, it can be hard to get things going again.  Especially if you have preconceived notions of what your partner is thinking, and he is having difficulty talking to you about the issue.  Chances are the attraction is still there, and there are just a bunch of other ‘things’ such as a baby, fatique, worry, stress, and other factors that are getting in the way of your sex life.  

The last thing that a woman needs to do is apply pressure on herself to be perfectly ‘sexy and hot’ after she has just had children.  And, your attraction is often more about your attitude and feelings about yourself than it is the size jeans that you wear.  

Relationships between men and women go through highs and lows of all kinds.  The important thing is to notice them as they are happening and to communicate with your partner rather than let a misunderstanding cause a rift in the relationship.  Remember, your partner loves you and is probably looking for the green light from you that says its okay to resume your normal activity in the bedroom.

Do you find yourself questioning how your partner feels about you?  

Image via Flickr/DearPioneer

What do you think? My Husband is No Longer Attracted to Me

Stef DanielAuthor

Stef Daniel is the 40ish year old, experienced (meaning crazy already) mother of count ‘em…4 daughters (yes, she takes prayers) who have taught her nearly E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G she needs to know about raising kids and staying sane. She hails from a small town in Georgia where she lives with her family in a red tin roofed house (w ... More

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  1. Very on key for any time that you start to feel down even if you didn’t just have a child. Its very easy to disconnect if you are feeling down about yourself. I know personally when I feel unattractive to myself, I am guarded and unwilling to accept sexual signs of affection from my spouse…therefore my turn off, causing his turn off, and a gradual disconnect which brings on a whole lot of other marital problems the longer it continues.

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