Is it EVER Okay for a Partner to Call you Names?

Thursday, August 2nd, 2012 by from Mom, Myself, & I

kid covers ears; fighting parents

I recently posted an article about losing weight after pregnancy.  And, in some of the Facebook comments – I was saddened to hear that quite a few mamas out there are being made fun of or even called fat by their partner after having had a child.  

I want these women – and all women – to know that being called names (whether fat, ugly, mean, stupid, lazy, ignorant, or anything else) is a form of spousal abuse.

Certainly, each of us has arguments with our partners from time to time.  But it is important to realize that as adults, we have the ability and maturity to choose our words, and we can fight, bicker, and argue without inflicting pain by calling names.

Chances are that you, as a mother, wouldn’t allow someone to call your child ugly names. And you shouldn’t allow someone to call YOU names either.  Remember that YOU are an example – and even if your child is very young now, there will come a time when they understand the pain that is being bestowed on you.

There are far too many women in this world that put up with being called names, or being emotionally manipulated – especially as they become mothers – because they are fearful of losing someone that they love

They are fearful that raising their voice or protecting themselves will somehow threaten their newfound family.  And so, despite the fact that it hurts, they allow and forgive the behavior time and time again. But sadly, they never forget what it feels like to be called names, or forget the ridicule.

These women make excuses for the behavior, and at some root level of their self-esteem give their partners permission to inflict these labels upon them. 

I hope this isn’t you.

Pregnancy changes your body.  You will likely look different after you have a baby.  This is difficult in and of itself because of the way women have been sexualized throughout history.  But you should NEVER, and I mean NEVER allow someone to make fun of you or put you down because of your appearance.  If someone loves you, they love you unconditionally.

According to statistics, 1 in every 4 women experiences some sort of domestic violence in their relationships.  Around half suffer through the kind of violence brought on by words rather than actions.  Even if your partner has never laid a harsh hand on you, you are still allowing yourself (and your child) to become a victim if you allow yourself to be called names.

Sure, he didn’t mean it.  But it hurt anyways.

It is very difficult for EVERY woman to stick up for themselves.  When we feel bad about our own appearance, or question our worth, it becomes easier for others to bully us.  And, yet you suffer.

You deserve to be respected by your partner.  While I would NEVER EVER promote divorce or separation, or encourage women to seek these things, I do believe with all my heart and soul that you should get help.  First for yourself. 

Take time to build yourself back up again.  Say positive affirmations every day until they ring true in your mind.  Do things you love.  When someone hurts your feelings, call them out on it and be adamant that you WILL NOT put up with name calling. 

There is an old saying that goes, “People only treat us in the way that we allow them to!”  While it is NEVER your fault as a victim of emotional or physical abuse, you do have options and help is available.  If you don’t have friends, a pastor, family members, or organizations to help you – REACH OUT TO US HERE AT EVERYDAYFAMILY, and we will point you in the right direction.  Plus, you can rest assured that the community of mothers found here will be glad to become your support system and remind you just how amazing you are.

In the words of Marianne Williams (WHOM I LOVE)

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us!” 

What do you think? Is it EVER Okay for a Partner to Call you Names?

Stef DanielAuthor

Stef Daniel is the 40ish year old, experienced (meaning crazy already) mother of count ‘em…4 daughters (yes, she takes prayers) who have taught her nearly E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G she needs to know about raising kids and staying sane. She hails from a small town in Georgia where she lives with her family in a red tin roofed house (w ... More

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9 comments

  1. Avatar of Mommy2Be Mommy2Be says:

    I don’t allow it nor will i put up with it . Being in a relationship is about trust, respect, love etc. Never should your partner feel the need to call you names . Im just saying

  2. Avatar of nydia rivera nydia rivera says:

    I believe its still abuse, maybe not to put someone in jail…….. but abuse.

  3. Avatar of Nicole Nicole says:

    As a survivor of childhood abuse I suggest people saying that being called fat will lead to other things back down JUST a little bit and join us back in reality land. Try TALKING to your spouse or partner first and work on ways to help them understand it’s hurtful. They MAY not realize it and it may NOT have anything to do with abuse and more to do with a crude and insensitive sense of humor which can be corrected.
    Sorry but I think calling it abuse is more than a little bit drastic.

  4. Avatar of Brittney Brittney says:

    All these reasons is why I am now single. We broke up before this article, but reading this made me feel like it was the right thing to do.

  5. Avatar of ErinF ErinF says:

    As a survivor of domestic abuse, I absolutely agree that namecalling is unacceptable in a relationship–it’s emotional abuse, which often escalates into physical and sexual abuse (and not always quickly, either–it’s part of the emotional manipulation tactics that gradually break you down to make you more susceptible to other forms of control). It’s also traumatic for any children that witness this abuse, and can affect their future relationships.

    I don’t quite understand the passage "I would NEVER EVER promote divorce or separation, or encourage women to seek these things." While mutual counseling should be the first step, with an abuser it’s not always possible. The healthiest option may very well be to get out, and fast, before the violence escalates. I was very lucky not to have married or have children with my abuser; if I had left any later than I did, I am convinced that he would have killed me, and the chances of that happening increase with the presence of children or a pregnancy.

  6. Avatar of Sara McTigueEditor Sara McTigue says:

    Here is a link with printed resources and organizations that help to define abuse and support those suffering: http://www.womenshealth.gov/violence-against-women/types-of-violence/emotional-abuse.cfm

    Here is another link that offers advice to those seeking to help a friend: http://www.thehotline.org/get-educated/how-can-i-help-a-friend-or-family-member-who-is-being-abused/

    Thank you for your questions – and best wishes.

  7. Avatar of Mom2two12 Mom2two12 says:

    Exactly! There is no excuse being treated that way.

  8. Avatar of GabbysMommy GabbysMommy says:

    I ‘m glad you posted this because I was wondering the same thing.

  9. Avatar of sabine sabine says:

    Just wondering, how would you suggest getting someone help or making the other person aware of the damage it may cause to the child and the person who is being bashed???

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