Is Infidelity a Deal Breaker for You?

Thursday, June 14, 2012 by Stef Daniel from Mom, Myself, & I

When gathering information about infidelity, it is difficult to get a realistic grasp on how widespread cheating is. Why? Because obviously most people aren’t honest about infidelity, even when they are caught red handed.

And although men seem to have to the reputation for cheating – the truth is that both men and women cheat. Even men and women who are in mostly happy, sexually satisfying relationships sometimes choose to cheat on their partners.

Prior to having a family, most people are pretty adamant, that a cheating spouse will get the boot. Cheating is a deal breaker. It’s a difficult thing for man or woman to recover from. It changes the relationship in such a profound way that many couples never recover.

But something happens to folks once they have children together. While the expectations of a partner seem to rise to all time highs – the consequences of bad behavior seem to lessen.

Even more interesting is a statistic reported by the Huffington Post that indicates when a man cheats, 3 out of 5 women stay in the relationship. Yet when a woman cheats, only 1 in 5 men choose to stay. If the couple has children, 4 out of 5 women CHOOSE to stay in the relationship.

An expert explanation of the reason women choose to stay is as follows: Women tend to feel off balance, crazy etc. when they suspect a partner is cheating. When the cheating is confirmed, women tend to be able to move forward because they first feel validated (that they aren’t crazy) and then feel guilty and often responsible for the man’s behavior.

The idealisms about being the perfect woman for their mate take over and women tend to believe that they have in some way caused their mates indiscretion. Men on the other hand are territorial and angry and normally cannot get over a wife/girlfriend cheating.

Plus, women feel responsible for creating the perfect family situation (whether married or not) for their children. When a woman has a child, she is prone to sacrificing her own happiness, needs, desires and wants in order to ‘save the family.’

I find this sad. But I also find this true. And I also have to agree with the thinking. I don’t know if I could walk out on my marriage of 18 years, with four children at home, because of infidelity.

And let’s be honest....we NEVER know what we are going to do until it happens to us. So please be kind in your comments.

Women internalize the affair, and believe that if they stop over-mothering, or pay more attention to their husband they can get the relationship back on track. And, women are often gravely committed to the substance of family over their own wants and needs.

Infidelity is a very difficult subject. Even so, it is something that - according to statistics from the Durex Sex Survey - 8 out of 10 of us will be faced with in our relationship.

Now that you have a family, is infidelity still a deal breaker? Do you have any advice for women who are dealing with a cheating spouse?

Stef Daniel
Stef Daniel is the 40ish year old, experienced (meaning crazy already) mother of count ‘em…4 daughters (yes, she takes prayers) who have taught her nearly E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G she needs to know about raising kids and staying sane. She hails from ...Read More

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Is Infidelity a Deal Breaker for You?

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