A Reminder: You Don’t Have to Let Your Baby Stay With Anyone You Don’t Want Them To

I’m a member of several Facebook groups where moms ask for advice and guidance from one another. And I see one dilemma come up time and again: A new mother reaches out for advice. She’s stressed and worried because someone is pressuring her to let the baby come stay with them. The person asking is annoyed or angry at the new mom that she hasn’t let the baby stay over with them. The new mom doesn’t know how to respond. She doesn’t want to keep the baby from this person but, for whatever reason, she doesn’t feel comfortable having her baby stay with them without her. “What should I do?” she asks the group. Let the baby go or hold firm to her no? 

If you’ve ever been in this situation, or happen to be in it right now I’d like to remind you of something really important: You don’t EVER have to let your baby stay with anyone you don’t want them to stay with. 

{ MORE: What You Need to Know About Episiotomies and Tearing }

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Image via Flickr/ Allan Foster

When you became your child’s parent, you committed to keeping them safe. When your mommy instincts are saying “no,” it’s important to listen. People might try to persuade you that your baby should stay with them because they’re old enough now, or it’s their grandchild, or they feel that one-on-one time is important. But, if you’ve said no and are questioning your decision, remember: You don’t EVER have to let your baby stay with anyone you don’t want them to stay with. 

It doesn’t matter how old your baby is. It doesn’t matter if your baby is six months old or two years old or five years old. If you don’t feel comfortable with them staying over at someone else’s house you don’t have to let them. It doesn’t matter who they are. It doesn’t matter if the person asking is your baby’s grandparent or godparent or aunt. If you don’t feel comfortable with your baby staying with them you don’t have to let them.

It doesn’t matter if they don’t like your reason. Maybe you don’t like that the person who wants to keep your baby smokes. Perhaps you don’t like that their house is messy. Maybe you feel like they aren’t gentle with other kids. Or maybe you can’t quite put your finger on what the problem is but it just doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t matter if they don’t like your reason, if you don’t want your baby to stay over with them you don’t ever have to let them. 

You have the privilege and the responsibility to make decisions you think are in your child’s best interests. So, if others are pressuring you to let your baby stay with them and you don’t want to, remember, you never, ever have to. 

{ MORE: 5 Tips for Comfortable Sleep in Your Third Trimester }

Has this ever been an issue for you? 

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A Reminder: You Don’t Have to Let Your Baby Stay With Anyone You Don’t Want Them To

Julia Pelly has a master's degree in public health and works full time in the field of positive youth development. Julia loves hiking after work, swimming during the summer and taking long, cuddly afternoon naps with her two sons on the weekends. She is writing a memoir on pregnancy, motherhood, and sisterhood and lives in North Carolina, with her husband and two young boys. ... More

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