Do You SLEEP with Your Husband/Partner?

Sunday, July 8th, 2012 by from Mom, Myself, & I

couple trying to sleep 

This might come as a shock. But I don’t sleep with my husband unless circumstances absolutely force me to do so. Sound awful? 

Get your mind out of the gutters ladies; what I mean is that I don’t SLEEP with my husband. He snores. A lot. And he makes funny noises while he sleeps. Then he snores some more. And I find that motherhood has made me such a light sleeper, that I am constantly waking up because of his snoring. And then, because I am awake and paying attention to the snoring, I cannot fall back asleep. And I am one of those people that need my sleep. 

So I don’t sleep with my husband. And it’s probably better for him too, because I find myself constantly punching him, putting my hand over his mouth, kicking him in the shins, and pinching his nose closed when his snoring becomes obnoxious. (And then he wonders why he wakes up with bruises. LOL)

Recently, after a 3 day AWAY softball tournament with a group of other parents, I found out that most of the other moms there didn’t sleep with their husbands either. 

As we were all sitting around sipping coffee and energy drinks to drag us from our morning sleepiness caused by being FORCED to sleep in a hotel with our partners, we were commiserating about how awful our partners snoring habits were and how difficult co-sleeping really was. I wanted to do the happy dance, because I realized I wasn’t alone. And each of these women knew other women – who also knew women who knew women - who felt the same way and who didn’t sleep with their husbands either. 

Funny thing is I thought I was one of the only women in the world who preferred not to SLEEP with her husband. Sure, I love to snuggle with him and lie in bed with him in the morning or before sleep. But when it comes to actually catching some Z’s, I find that I am more successful on my own – or with my kids. It’s interesting that I can sleep with my kids without a problem despite being kicked and prodded all night long, but that I cannot stand sleeping next to a snoring man that I love. 

Maybe we should take a survey. Do you get more sleep in bed next to your partner, or do you find that sleeping alone enables you to feel more rested?

What do you think? Do You SLEEP with Your Husband/Partner?

Stef DanielAuthor

Stef Daniel is the 40ish year old, experienced (meaning crazy already) mother of count ‘em…4 daughters (yes, she takes prayers) who have taught her nearly E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G she needs to know about raising kids and staying sane. She hails from a small town in Georgia where she lives with her family in a red tin roofed house (w ... More

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132 comments

  1. Avatar of LizzieHann LizzieHann says:

    I prefer to sleep with my husband. But, he wants me to move out of our bed because I move around a lot. We are still sleeping together though. When I know I am about to move around. I will be on my laptop because I go to work later than his 6 am shift. But, I am up by 8 am and downstairs feeding our little one.

  2. Avatar of Laporsha Laporsha says:

    How long does it take for ur breast to form milk in it while u are pregnant.

  3. Avatar of nichole nichole says:

    I dont ever think i could sleep without my husband. We have been together 10 years and only sleep apart when he has to go out of town for training for work. and i had an extremely hard time sleeping. But he does snore but thats what helps me sleep. IF he doesnt snore i have to check on him to make sure he is ok lol but i am the one who tosses and turns super bad and he hasnt ever got up out of bed and slept somewhere else so. :)

  4. Avatar of Emily Emily says:

    I prefer not to co-sleep; I am naturally a light sleeper, and my husband has sleep apnea, as well as kicks around a lot. So we have always maintained a health sex life, but when it comes to getting a full REM cycle we each have our own bed, and it works great for us. We discussed the issue, and found this to be the best solution. We both get more sleep, and don’t wake up resenting the other for waking us up, etc… Of course we spend Weekend mornings cuddling, and have our breakfast and watching the morning news together :)

  5. Avatar of Rebecca Rebecca says:

    I could not imagine NOT sleeping with my husband. This is the only alone time we get and the one time a day that there are NO kids occupying a lap or in our arms. It’s just us and that’s a good feeling. We do share a king bed so even though we are not snuggling like you see on the movies….we are only an arms reach away and there if we need to talk, ask questions, or just be there with 100% attention.

  6. Avatar of Lauren Lauren says:

    My husband is a truck driver I go 2 weeks never seeing him and when he is gone I don’t sleep at all but when he is home we cuddle then touch backs to each other and sleep like a baby. I actually decided to go with him over the road due to I can’t sleep without him. But my ex was a different story never wanted to sleep or cuddle but my husband makes me feel safe and that everything is ok. Without him near me I worry every moment is he sleeping good, eating right, driving safe. Next to him I know all is going to be ok.

  7. Same here.. My First ex was so violent in his sleep that he would throw punches..He had a bad temper that showed shortly after we got married.. IE: 3 yrs & this relationship ended quick.. Of course many reasons other than that. caused it though….My 2nd Ex and I were together for 18 years and most of the marriage (first 8 years) we slept together and mainly resulted in me ending up with insomnia (severe) it still affects me today, and I ended up so angry at him and resentful because he never thought about my needs….He was so pissed off all the time for having to sleep else where. Then for the last 10 yrs was spent sleeping apart.. We tried off and on several times, but it always resulted in me NOT sleeping and getting very VERY cranky.. 3 years ago he told me he didn’t want to try anymore… End of that…. Now with my now partner, we started out sleeping together for about a year (and not having history repeat itself, (already having insomnia and a light sleeper even on meds) I begged him to sleep else where in order to save our relationship and so I do not end up hating him ) however for the first year he didn’t snore either, then for some reason ( I think I am a jinx ) he started snoring.. He has a bad back too, and he has to have a super stiff bed to sleep on, my bad back requires the opposite.. So, again, we do not sleep together.. so far, 3 years together and we are OK, better than my last marriage anyway… He respects me and my needs and THAT is what matters here…. I do feel it affects the relationship tho.. Not sleeping the same bed takes away from that tenderness and cuddling you get with sleeping with your partner. It can (if you let it) tear a relationship apart, my ex and I fought constantly but it was because he thought my “not sleeping” was not his problem or fault. That if I couldn’t sleep through his snoring, then I was the one with a problem, that I should look at my NO SLEEP, as a sacrifice and show of my love for him… UM.. SHYEAH, NOT…. Yeah, you see see how that relationship ended.

  8. Avatar of cassie cassie says:

    Nope, we sure dont! He too, snores like a chainsaw. Not to mention his gas…Goodness! It bothered me for awhile that we didnt but with his “issues” & work schedule, not sleeping together works out. I still get a kiss every morning before he leaves to work. Sometimes I can bare him in the bed as long as I can breath fresh air ·_·
    TMI???

  9. Avatar of Alison Alison says:

    My partner and I have only spent one night apart from each other since the first night we were ever together. I honestly can’t even imagine not sleeping next to him anymore. Now that I’m pregnant, I feel that way more than ever. His presence is comforting, and his snores and little jabs in the night just assure me that he’s still by my side. I nap during the day while he’s at work just fine, so it’s not an issue of me not being able to sleep without him there, but bedtime is our chance to just be near each other and completely relaxed. We usually cuddle until one of us falls asleep, then the other one spreads out and we typically won’t even touch again until someone goes to the bathroom and starts to cuddle a bit when they get back.

    I don’t think it’s necessarily wrong or bad to not sleep next to each other, but I could honestly never imagine doing so myself.

  10. Avatar of Heather Heather says:

    This article & discussion comes as such a relief. My boyfriend & I sleep separately & it upsets me but truth be told, he snores, tosses & turns & has accidentally hurt me during the night when we did sleep together. Now I sleep in the room with our 8 month old daughter & we both rest better. I get ticked sometimes that we aren’t in the same bed or even room, taking turns with baby night shifts but the reality is that he sleeps through her crying regardless so I have to be awake enough to wake him & at that point, I’m awake!. I’ve always felt like a defining aspect of an intimate relationship is whether you end the day together, in bed, snuggled. I’ve only known of one other couple that slept separately in my life. Now I know I’m not alone. Thank you for this piece.

  11. Avatar of Johnnyra Johnnyra says:

    I sleep with my hsuband. He’s warm and cuddly at times , but sometimes I tend to sleep the opposite way of him in the bed because I sleep more comfortably. He tends to shift a lot at times and I just can’t deal with it. Lol On top of that, I am a very light sleeper.

  12. nope i don’t sleep with my hubby he makes noise also when he sleeps and takes up the whole bed. i am pregnant now so it is important for me to get a good nights sleep now.

  13. Avatar of Su Su says:

    I do on occasion(weekends). Now that I am pregnant, I am restless and sleep way less then I should/am used to. He gets up very early for work too, so it wouldn’t be good for him that I would be get up as often as I do and also be moving as much as I do… So, I think it benefits the both of us that I don’t. besides, I can live without the natural body “releases” as I am unaware of them because I am up so much! jejeje… But I do miss it often…

    • Avatar of Su Su says:

      oh, and I forgot to mention, I sleep with my daughter..at least I do not sleep alone..She doesn’t budge when I move or lay awake at nigh..unlike my boyfriend, If I breathed to hard might wake up…which is why it works best for the both of us…

  14. Avatar of Shana Shana says:

    I sleep with my partner every night. He is warm and soothing and rubs me and my belly to sleep. Luckily he doesn’t snore.

  15. Avatar of Heide Heide says:

    My fiance snores like a bear and causes the bed to vibrate. I generally have to wear ear plugs, which makes me anxious because I’m afraid I won’t hear my son if he wakes up. So I sleep better alone, but we have a tiny apartment so only one bed. Part of the problem is that he’s 6’4″ and we have a queen, so there’s not much space for me. He steals blankets but doesn’t flail about, thank goodness.

  16. Avatar of Amanda Amanda says:

    I share a bed with my husband and a cuddly 5 year old black lab. In general I am used to the kicks and blanket stealing. My hubby doesn’t snore although sometimes the dog does – haha! Most mornings I wake up sweating bullets with both of them right on top of me, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Maybe once my belly is bigger I will get more annoyed by those two, but honestly I just love feeling close to my little family!

  17. Avatar of Smicky04 Smicky04 says:

    I take naps in the day and go to bed before he gets home so I don’t free so tired when I stay up late at night. He is rough to sleep with since I got prego, he tosses and turns with his dreams and snores (lightly) and he works in a kitchen bar and smells like smoke and liquor and various food unless he takes a soaking bath and washes his hair. It can be difficult, but I love him so I deal and don’t really fully relax until he comes home from work.

  18. Avatar of Michelle Michelle says:

    Hahahahahha! Thats hilarious really. I sleep with my husband, although I admit sometimes one of us, if not both will be woken by the other either snuggling too tight or by snoring.. A simple solution that i learned from my mom is to go to bed earlier than him. I get a few hours of much needed solo sleep and he gets to play on the computer uninterrupted until he comes to bed. it works well for us.

  19. Avatar of chrissy chrissy says:

    I love this article and the comments. I thought I was crazy too. My husband and I have been together for 19 years and he’s always been a 3rd shifter so I got very use to sleeping just me and the cats. 2 years ago he got a new job and since we have 2 kids now he choose to bid day shift. It’s still a rough transition. He snores at times and he’s always been a restless sleeper at night. There’s times I wish I could push him outta bed! I love him but I am a very light sleeper so he drives me nuts at night. I still get overjoyed when he passes out downstairs in his chair cause I get a good night’s sleep. Lol

  20. Avatar of kim kim says:

    Yes i do and i barely get any sleep between his constant snoring and my son swimming around and doing cartwheels in my womb. I would sleep alone because of how bad he snores and makes other sleep wakingly terrifying sounds he makes but with my anxiety and vivid nightmares (worsned during pregnancy) i find it better to have him there in case! However, i do know exactly how that is where the snoring, and/or startling sound, then be focused on it and making it even harder to fall back to sleep. also, this is my first pregnancy and so i’ve got more to experience in this department lol

  21. Avatar of JODI JODI says:

    My husband and I dont sleep well together. He snores and is like sleeping with an octopus in a tornado. Hes 6’4 and can hog a king size bed by himself. Also he likes a very firm mattress and I end up with a backache after about 3hrs and get up and go to the other room. I like the mattress inthe other room because it is softer so just sleep there to get the best sleep. I can sleep just fine when my 6yr old wants to crawl in but can not sleep at all with my husband. From the time I was little my grand parents slept in separate twin beds. He tossed and turned a lot and would thrash and hurt her in his sleep without knowing it. My parents slept in the same bed until my dad spent 90 days in the hospital and passed away last month. I sleep better alone.

  22. Avatar of Bethanie Bethanie says:

    I enjoy sleeping next to my husband, although he does snore. I find it difficult to fall asleep without him next to me. I have become so accustom to his snoring that eventually I do fall asleep or fall back asleep. I would rather be next to him than in a different bed. We have been married for 1 year and 2 months, so maybe it is because we are still in the newlywed stage! Or maybe it is because I am so tired with this pregnancy (I am due in a few days) that his snoring doesn’t bother me!

  23. Avatar of Destiny Destiny says:

    I can’t imagine wanting to NOT sleep with my boyfriend. I have a horrible time trying to fall asleep without him. I’m so use to falling asleep with him that I toss and turn when he’s not in bed with me.

  24. Avatar of Heidi Heidi says:

    I enjoy sleeping with my fiance the majority of the time. He doesnt snore but has a tendency to steal the covers or try to sleep on me, neither of which he remembers in the morning. He moves a lot in the mornings and I dont mind it too much, its sweet how he tries to cuddle in his sleep. With the pregnancy being so uncomfortable at timea i do have to push him away or wake him up, but since i started snoring i can live with it since he doesnt complain about the snoring. Might start using seperate blankets all the time though.

  25. Avatar of Krystal Krystal says:

    I sleep with my husband. We had trouble early on because I needed it to be completly dark and he prefered to have a light on. We figured out that a rope light provided enough light for him to feel comfortable, while still being dark enough for me to sleep. Also found out about a year ago that he had trouble sleeping because I used to move around alot at night. Hasn’t been much of a problem though since we got married. Until I got pregnant I couldn’t sleep more then an hour without him nearby. Still freaks me out on occasion when I wake up andhe’s not there thoughh.

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