Do You SLEEP with Your Husband/Partner?

Sunday, July 8th, 2012 by from Mom, Myself, & I

couple trying to sleep 

This might come as a shock. But I don’t sleep with my husband unless circumstances absolutely force me to do so. Sound awful? 

Get your mind out of the gutters ladies; what I mean is that I don’t SLEEP with my husband. He snores. A lot. And he makes funny noises while he sleeps. Then he snores some more. And I find that motherhood has made me such a light sleeper, that I am constantly waking up because of his snoring. And then, because I am awake and paying attention to the snoring, I cannot fall back asleep. And I am one of those people that need my sleep. 

So I don’t sleep with my husband. And it’s probably better for him too, because I find myself constantly punching him, putting my hand over his mouth, kicking him in the shins, and pinching his nose closed when his snoring becomes obnoxious. (And then he wonders why he wakes up with bruises. LOL)

Recently, after a 3 day AWAY softball tournament with a group of other parents, I found out that most of the other moms there didn’t sleep with their husbands either. 

As we were all sitting around sipping coffee and energy drinks to drag us from our morning sleepiness caused by being FORCED to sleep in a hotel with our partners, we were commiserating about how awful our partners snoring habits were and how difficult co-sleeping really was. I wanted to do the happy dance, because I realized I wasn’t alone. And each of these women knew other women – who also knew women who knew women - who felt the same way and who didn’t sleep with their husbands either. 

Funny thing is I thought I was one of the only women in the world who preferred not to SLEEP with her husband. Sure, I love to snuggle with him and lie in bed with him in the morning or before sleep. But when it comes to actually catching some Z’s, I find that I am more successful on my own – or with my kids. It’s interesting that I can sleep with my kids without a problem despite being kicked and prodded all night long, but that I cannot stand sleeping next to a snoring man that I love. 

Maybe we should take a survey. Do you get more sleep in bed next to your partner, or do you find that sleeping alone enables you to feel more rested?

What do you think? Do You SLEEP with Your Husband/Partner?

Stef DanielAuthor

Stef Daniel is the 40ish year old, experienced (meaning crazy already) mother of count ‘em…4 daughters (yes, she takes prayers) who have taught her nearly E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G she needs to know about raising kids and staying sane. She hails from a small town in Georgia where she lives with her family in a red tin roofed house (w ... More

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  1. Avatar of Alison Alison says:

    My partner and I have only spent one night apart from each other since the first night we were ever together. I honestly can’t even imagine not sleeping next to him anymore. Now that I’m pregnant, I feel that way more than ever. His presence is comforting, and his snores and little jabs in the night just assure me that he’s still by my side. I nap during the day while he’s at work just fine, so it’s not an issue of me not being able to sleep without him there, but bedtime is our chance to just be near each other and completely relaxed. We usually cuddle until one of us falls asleep, then the other one spreads out and we typically won’t even touch again until someone goes to the bathroom and starts to cuddle a bit when they get back.

    I don’t think it’s necessarily wrong or bad to not sleep next to each other, but I could honestly never imagine doing so myself.

  2. Avatar of Heather Heather says:

    This article & discussion comes as such a relief. My boyfriend & I sleep separately & it upsets me but truth be told, he snores, tosses & turns & has accidentally hurt me during the night when we did sleep together. Now I sleep in the room with our 8 month old daughter & we both rest better. I get ticked sometimes that we aren’t in the same bed or even room, taking turns with baby night shifts but the reality is that he sleeps through her crying regardless so I have to be awake enough to wake him & at that point, I’m awake!. I’ve always felt like a defining aspect of an intimate relationship is whether you end the day together, in bed, snuggled. I’ve only known of one other couple that slept separately in my life. Now I know I’m not alone. Thank you for this piece.

  3. Avatar of Johnnyra Johnnyra says:

    I sleep with my hsuband. He’s warm and cuddly at times , but sometimes I tend to sleep the opposite way of him in the bed because I sleep more comfortably. He tends to shift a lot at times and I just can’t deal with it. Lol On top of that, I am a very light sleeper.

  4. nope i don’t sleep with my hubby he makes noise also when he sleeps and takes up the whole bed. i am pregnant now so it is important for me to get a good nights sleep now.

  5. Avatar of Su Su says:

    I do on occasion(weekends). Now that I am pregnant, I am restless and sleep way less then I should/am used to. He gets up very early for work too, so it wouldn’t be good for him that I would be get up as often as I do and also be moving as much as I do… So, I think it benefits the both of us that I don’t. besides, I can live without the natural body “releases” as I am unaware of them because I am up so much! jejeje… But I do miss it often…

    • Avatar of Su Su says:

      oh, and I forgot to mention, I sleep with my least I do not sleep alone..She doesn’t budge when I move or lay awake at nigh..unlike my boyfriend, If I breathed to hard might wake up…which is why it works best for the both of us…

  6. Avatar of Shana Shana says:

    I sleep with my partner every night. He is warm and soothing and rubs me and my belly to sleep. Luckily he doesn’t snore.

  7. Avatar of Heide Heide says:

    My fiance snores like a bear and causes the bed to vibrate. I generally have to wear ear plugs, which makes me anxious because I’m afraid I won’t hear my son if he wakes up. So I sleep better alone, but we have a tiny apartment so only one bed. Part of the problem is that he’s 6’4″ and we have a queen, so there’s not much space for me. He steals blankets but doesn’t flail about, thank goodness.

  8. Avatar of Amanda Amanda says:

    I share a bed with my husband and a cuddly 5 year old black lab. In general I am used to the kicks and blanket stealing. My hubby doesn’t snore although sometimes the dog does – haha! Most mornings I wake up sweating bullets with both of them right on top of me, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Maybe once my belly is bigger I will get more annoyed by those two, but honestly I just love feeling close to my little family!

  9. Avatar of Smicky04 Smicky04 says:

    I take naps in the day and go to bed before he gets home so I don’t free so tired when I stay up late at night. He is rough to sleep with since I got prego, he tosses and turns with his dreams and snores (lightly) and he works in a kitchen bar and smells like smoke and liquor and various food unless he takes a soaking bath and washes his hair. It can be difficult, but I love him so I deal and don’t really fully relax until he comes home from work.

  10. Avatar of Michelle Michelle says:

    Hahahahahha! Thats hilarious really. I sleep with my husband, although I admit sometimes one of us, if not both will be woken by the other either snuggling too tight or by snoring.. A simple solution that i learned from my mom is to go to bed earlier than him. I get a few hours of much needed solo sleep and he gets to play on the computer uninterrupted until he comes to bed. it works well for us.

  11. Avatar of chrissy chrissy says:

    I love this article and the comments. I thought I was crazy too. My husband and I have been together for 19 years and he’s always been a 3rd shifter so I got very use to sleeping just me and the cats. 2 years ago he got a new job and since we have 2 kids now he choose to bid day shift. It’s still a rough transition. He snores at times and he’s always been a restless sleeper at night. There’s times I wish I could push him outta bed! I love him but I am a very light sleeper so he drives me nuts at night. I still get overjoyed when he passes out downstairs in his chair cause I get a good night’s sleep. Lol

  12. Avatar of kim kim says:

    Yes i do and i barely get any sleep between his constant snoring and my son swimming around and doing cartwheels in my womb. I would sleep alone because of how bad he snores and makes other sleep wakingly terrifying sounds he makes but with my anxiety and vivid nightmares (worsned during pregnancy) i find it better to have him there in case! However, i do know exactly how that is where the snoring, and/or startling sound, then be focused on it and making it even harder to fall back to sleep. also, this is my first pregnancy and so i’ve got more to experience in this department lol

  13. Avatar of JODI JODI says:

    My husband and I dont sleep well together. He snores and is like sleeping with an octopus in a tornado. Hes 6’4 and can hog a king size bed by himself. Also he likes a very firm mattress and I end up with a backache after about 3hrs and get up and go to the other room. I like the mattress inthe other room because it is softer so just sleep there to get the best sleep. I can sleep just fine when my 6yr old wants to crawl in but can not sleep at all with my husband. From the time I was little my grand parents slept in separate twin beds. He tossed and turned a lot and would thrash and hurt her in his sleep without knowing it. My parents slept in the same bed until my dad spent 90 days in the hospital and passed away last month. I sleep better alone.

  14. Avatar of Bethanie Bethanie says:

    I enjoy sleeping next to my husband, although he does snore. I find it difficult to fall asleep without him next to me. I have become so accustom to his snoring that eventually I do fall asleep or fall back asleep. I would rather be next to him than in a different bed. We have been married for 1 year and 2 months, so maybe it is because we are still in the newlywed stage! Or maybe it is because I am so tired with this pregnancy (I am due in a few days) that his snoring doesn’t bother me!

  15. Avatar of Destiny Destiny says:

    I can’t imagine wanting to NOT sleep with my boyfriend. I have a horrible time trying to fall asleep without him. I’m so use to falling asleep with him that I toss and turn when he’s not in bed with me.

  16. Avatar of Heidi Heidi says:

    I enjoy sleeping with my fiance the majority of the time. He doesnt snore but has a tendency to steal the covers or try to sleep on me, neither of which he remembers in the morning. He moves a lot in the mornings and I dont mind it too much, its sweet how he tries to cuddle in his sleep. With the pregnancy being so uncomfortable at timea i do have to push him away or wake him up, but since i started snoring i can live with it since he doesnt complain about the snoring. Might start using seperate blankets all the time though.

  17. Avatar of Krystal Krystal says:

    I sleep with my husband. We had trouble early on because I needed it to be completly dark and he prefered to have a light on. We figured out that a rope light provided enough light for him to feel comfortable, while still being dark enough for me to sleep. Also found out about a year ago that he had trouble sleeping because I used to move around alot at night. Hasn’t been much of a problem though since we got married. Until I got pregnant I couldn’t sleep more then an hour without him nearby. Still freaks me out on occasion when I wake up andhe’s not there thoughh.

  18. Avatar of Rebekkah Rebekkah says:

    My boyfriend and I sleep together every night I wouldn’t be comfortable without next to me even with the occasional snoring or the occasional deadly farts I wouldn’t be able to sleep without him. There is something about being able to roll over and have him right there puts me at ease.

  19. Avatar of Nikita Nikita says:

    I can’t sleep, let alone stay asleep without my husband in bed. Even now that I’m pregnant, my husband’s snoring got better over time by loosing weight and by changing his eating habits. Before all these changes I still was able to sleep through the night. I guess sleeping above my parents for years and both parents snoring I’m use to it. I’m a very light sleeper but I’ve learned what to wake up for and what to sleep through. Maybe due to the military too, but all I know now that I’m pregnant, is if my husband isn’t in bed by 3a.m. I’m wide awake giving him an earful on how I can’t stay asleep w/out him. LOL!

  20. Avatar of CHIQUITA CHIQUITA says:


  21. Avatar of Alanna Alanna says:

    i can’t sleep without him. He snores but I’ve gotten used to it and it’s too quiet without him.

  22. Avatar of Krystal Krystal says:

    I can’t sleep without him! Even though he snores and there was a period of time when he was having health problems which caused me to be up all night making sure he was breathing

    • Avatar of CHIQUITA CHIQUITA says:


      • Avatar of Imani Imani says:

        Not sure if your husband has the same thing, but my husband has sleep apnea. We’re currently in the process of getting him into a sleep study and hopefully after that a breathing mask. His sister has is too and she was the one who noticed his symptoms. It is a bit frightening to hear him stop breathing at night. Sometimes I have to shake him really hard for him to start breathing again. I’ve noticed on the nights when it isn’t as bad he has a lot more energy. Ask your doc about getting a referral for a sleep study. It might help.

        • Avatar of Elizabeth Elizabeth says:

          My husband also has sleep apnea and stops breathing. It terrifies me so I used to poke, shake or nudge him to make him breathe again but I learned that doing that could put him in cardiac arrest. The thought of accidentally killing my husband in his sleep terrifies me even more so now when I hear him stop breathing I hold very still and pray that he breathes again.

  23. Avatar of Krystal Krystal says:

    I can’t sleep without him! Even though he snores and there was a period of time when he was having health problems which caused me to be up all night making sure he was breathing I can’t get any sleep if we aren’t together. I find the sound of him breathing and snoring soothing.

  24. Avatar of Adilene Adilene says:

    I sleep with my husband every night, but I fall asleep early and he doesn’t come to bed until midnight. The few hours I sleep alone, I find a lot more relaxing. Once he lays down next to me, he wakes me up. Throughout the night he accidentally hits my head or tries to hug me and I push him away because I like to have my own space to spread out. I’ve always been a heavy sleeper and pregnancy has changed that a bit. His snoring doesn’t wake me up but when I get up for night restroom brakes, it does take me a bit longer to go back to sleep.

  25. Avatar of Adilene Adilene says:

    I sleep with my husband every night, but I fall asleep early and he doesn’t come to bed until midnight. The few hours I’m asleep alone, I find a lot more relaxing. Once he lays down next to me, he wakes me up or accidentally hits my head. I’ve always been a heavy sleeper and pregnancy has changed that a bit. His snoring doesn’t wake me up but when I get up for night restroom brakes, it does take me a bit longer to go back to sleep.

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