Do You SLEEP with Your Husband/Partner?

couple trying to sleep 

This might come as a shock. But I don’t sleep with my husband unless circumstances absolutely force me to do so. Sound awful? 

Get your mind out of the gutters ladies; what I mean is that I don’t SLEEP with my husband. He snores. A lot. And he makes funny noises while he sleeps. Then he snores some more. And I find that motherhood has made me such a light sleeper, that I am constantly waking up because of his snoring. And then, because I am awake and paying attention to the snoring, I cannot fall back asleep. And I am one of those people that need my sleep. 

So I don’t sleep with my husband. And it’s probably better for him too, because I find myself constantly punching him, putting my hand over his mouth, kicking him in the shins, and pinching his nose closed when his snoring becomes obnoxious. (And then he wonders why he wakes up with bruises. LOL)

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Recently, after a 3 day AWAY softball tournament with a group of other parents, I found out that most of the other moms there didn’t sleep with their husbands either. 

As we were all sitting around sipping coffee and energy drinks to drag us from our morning sleepiness caused by being FORCED to sleep in a hotel with our partners, we were commiserating about how awful our partners snoring habits were and how difficult co-sleeping really was. I wanted to do the happy dance, because I realized I wasn’t alone. And each of these women knew other women – who also knew women who knew women – who felt the same way and who didn’t sleep with their husbands either. 

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Funny thing is I thought I was one of the only women in the world who preferred not to SLEEP with her husband. Sure, I love to snuggle with him and lie in bed with him in the morning or before sleep. But when it comes to actually catching some Z’s, I find that I am more successful on my own – or with my kids. It’s interesting that I can sleep with my kids without a problem despite being kicked and prodded all night long, but that I cannot stand sleeping next to a snoring man that I love. 

Maybe we should take a survey. Do you get more sleep in bed next to your partner, or do you find that sleeping alone enables you to feel more rested?

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What do you think?

Do You SLEEP with Your Husband/Partner?

Stef Daniel is the 40ish year old, experienced (meaning crazy already) mother of count ‘em…4 daughters (yes, she takes prayers) who have taught her nearly E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G she needs to know about raising kids and staying sane. She hails from a small town in Georgia where she lives with her family in a red tin roofed house (w ... More

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134 comments

  1. Profile photo of Dani Dani says:

    I find I have a harder time sleeping WITHOUT my husband there. His presence is so soothing and if I am having a rough time and if I am feeling stressed him spooning me will put me to sleep. When he does snore I will nudge him a few times. If he fails to roll over onto his side (he only snores on his back aside from the time he had pneumonia) then I nudge him again until he is aware enough to respond and tell him he is snoring and he either needs to "get in the cuddle position" or roll onto his other side. He apologizes, picks a spot and we fall back to sleep.
    Sometimes I cannot get to sleep at all when he is gone and those times that I do get to sleep I feel restless when I wake up and my mood is not as pleasant. Those times are very rare as he cannot sleep without me either and even after nearly 6 years together we still miss each other as soon as one of us leaves and I have his closest friends complaining to me quite often that when he goes out with the guys he still talks about me and tells them he misses me, especially when he drinks lol <3
    He’s the best man for me to have ever walked the Earth and the best friend I have ever had. :) We are expecting our first child together in August and he loves my 10 year old to death. <3

  2. i disagree with this article. its other way around too. sometimes he sleep on the floor cause he dont want here my snoring

  3. That would be soo sad! Sleeping with my husband is one of my favorite things in the world! In fact, my one consolation as our kids get older and we get less time together, is knowing that at least we’ll always have our nights together :)

  4. Profile photo of nicole nicole says:

    im surprised!! ans feeling really lucky right now!! my hubby is a non- snorer (knock on wood)

  5. Profile photo of Tara Tara says:

    I totally agree and feel better after reading this article! My husband works night shift so I have the bed to myself half the time anyway…and have gotten used to it! Maybe it would be different if we had a larger bed but right now I enjoy having *two* body pillows to myself and being able to spread out! It’s so nice to know that I’m not the only one out there who prefers NOT to sleep with her husband! :)

  6. Profile photo of Kathy Kathy says:

    My husband and I don’t sleep in the same bed either. He snores and keeps me up, and yes he has had a sleep study and does not have sleep apnea. We both sleep better and it makes our days together with our family much happier, because we’re both well rested.

  7. Profile photo of Rachel Rachel says:

    I have to agree with Cheri. I am a nurse and excessive snoring is the #1 symptom of Sleep Apnea. If you are thinking ‘no big deal, I like to sleep alone’ you should think again. Sleep Apnea can be deadly. Call tomorrow and make him an appointment already!

  8. Profile photo of Cheri Cheri says:

    Has your husband had a sleep study done? Snoring like that could be a sign of sleep apnea, with puts him at risk of other, more serious health problems.

  9. Profile photo of Brandie Brandie says:

    I can’t go without sleeping with my fionce, it’s been that way for over 7yrs now.. Dont get me wrong his snoring drives me crazy now that I’m pregnant which results in me getting up during the night but I know if he want beside me I wouldn’t sleep.. Surprisingly the snoring that keeps me up sometimes is also what I miss when hes at work and I try to nap maybe it’s cause I’ve gotten so use to hearing it and knowing hes there that when I don’t hear him snoring I start to worry.. Besides if he gets to bad I just make him role over and know I have time to pass out before it starts back up…

  10. Profile photo of Bcarve Bcarve says:

    Great idea! I never thought of earplugs simple because i thought i wouldnt be able to hear our daughter. I’ll have to officially try it now. Thanks for the tip.

  11. Profile photo of Bcarve Bcarve says:

    Im the same way. I can not sleep with out him next to me. Makes me feel safe :-)

  12. Profile photo of Babybee Babybee says:

    I love, LOVE having my husband sleep next to me! I have the hardest time falling asleep if he is not there. It is especially wonderful when it is cold in the winter!

  13. Profile photo of April April says:

    My husband snores too,but I miss him wen he’s away and not sleeping next to me he gives me that secure feeling.

  14. Profile photo of Brittney Brittney says:

    I like having my boyfriend sleeping next to me, yeah he snores, but most of the time it’s not to loud. But when it is, I wake him up and let him know. Ever since I’ve had my son the smallest sound wakes me up. So I try not to blame my BF for everything. Because I know I mutter in my sleep and snore too.

  15. Profile photo of Angel Angel says:

    My husband snores loud enough to drive me insane, but I just wear earplugs. I can still hear the kids through them, but it’s enough to drown him out. :)

  16. Profile photo of Rene Rene says:

    I haven’t slept with my husband in years either. At first, i thought it was messed up but it’s better than the fights we got into because he snores so loud!

  17. Profile photo of HasiMama HasiMama says:

    I always sleep with my fiance. He snores, but not a lot and it’s easy enough to get him to change positions when he does start to snore. Ever since I got pregnant I have been a really light sleeper. Some nights are better than others, but normally if I wake up and can’t get back to sleep beside him, I go lay on the couch and watch TV or get on my computer to kill enough time until I can wake him up. Once I wake up enough during the night, I cannot get back to sleep no matter how comfortable and quiet the room is. It sucks, but I’d rather me be suffering the wee morning hours alone than rob him of sleep. I figure, he’ll get enough of that once the baby comes.

  18. Profile photo of Sabrina Sabrina says:

    I can’t imagine that, I have months at a time without my husband because he is in the Navy and deployed, etc so while yes there are nights when he’s home that I probably could get a better nights rest alone I would never have him sleep somewhere else. It seems like it starts putting distance between you as a couple when you don’t fall asleep and/or wake up next to each other.

  19. Profile photo of sharon sharon says:

    This story is right on point! I can not stand sleeping with ANYONE that snores! It drives me up a wall. I know they cant help it, but, i need sleep too. its just better to avoid all co-sleeping all together.

  20. Profile photo of Holly Holly says:

    my husband and I always sleep together. Once we moved in together, we’ve always slept in the same bed, haven’t been apart one night, except the 6 day stay in the hospital when our son was born, but he had the fold out pulled right next to the hospital bed, so it wasn’t too bad. Before our son was born, we woke up if the other got out of bed during the middle of the night, just briefly…like oh, you’re going to the bathroom, see you in a minute. Now, unless our son wakes up, we don’t bat an eyelash. Of course now we’re exhausted, and we rarely wake up if not necessary.

  21. Profile photo of Ann Ann says:

    I must completely agree with this blog. I don’t sleep with my husband for the exact same reasons. It took some getting him used to the idea but I believe he also agrees with my reasoning to not sleep together. Since I was pregnant, he graciously slept on the couch for 9 months. But even before that, we took turns. I really just can’t sleep with anyone, not even the kids. I feel selfish, until I read articles that tell me I’m not alone. Thank you for posting. It’s definitely refreshing to know that I am "normal" :)

  22. Profile photo of EricaMuddle EricaMuddle says:

    I do enjoy sleeping on my own :) but I love sleeping next to my guy.

  23. Profile photo of Theresa Theresa says:

    I LOVE sleeping with my husband! I wake up more without him. It’s a secure feeling when he’s next to me. If I can get to sleep before him, the snoring is never even a problem! :)

  24. Profile photo of Melissa Melissa says:

    I cannot sleep without my husband next to me. While in the hospital him sleeping across the room on a couch was too far. I don’t care if he snores (which he does), but I just rub his back and he rolls over and out we are!

  25. Profile photo of MomAgain MomAgain says:

    I was the same way and when the topic came up at a dr appt for my husband he was sent for a sleep study and was diagnosed with sleep apnea. Since he got the cpap mask we can sleep together again.

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