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Adoption After Infertility
Author: Stef Daniel
Going through infertility treatments, disappointments, and both physical and emotional pain can take a toll on even the strongest person. Every couple that faces infertility comes out of the tunnel with a different perspective on life. For some folks, the light at the end of the tunnel has them turning toward adoption as a way for them to make their dreams a reality. In this life, there is no greater good you can do than to take in a child who doesn’t have a home or family, and give them yours.
That being said, you don’t have to do it today. When a child loses a pet, the first thing that a parent wants to do is replace the pet – to make it better for their child. Even though they know that the new fish, the one that looks just like Sammy, will not replace Ethel, they cannot stand to see their child hurting. For a couple who has suffered infertility – the feelings are often the same. For this reason, it may be best for you to wait just a while. Not only have you run the gamut of emotional upset that no doubt has affected your resiliency in life, but the two of you as a couple may need some time to get back together again.
When couples are focused on having children and don’t succeed right away, they often drift away from the relationship and focus in on just the issue of having a child. When you have decided to adopt – you owe it to yourself and each other to spend some time together before hopping on another event filled roller coaster ride. Take a cruise or vacation. Do something that reconnects you to one another that is without stress and struggle and that focuses on just the two of you. This will give you time to grieve together, laugh together, and remember all over again just why you are together.
You should also take some time for yourself. If you have taken several rounds of infertility treatments, then no doubt you are tired in a sort of way that drains the soul and spirit. Learning to be you again – instead of being that person who wants to have a baby but can’t is both liberating and empowering. Remember what you are passionate about. Remember your interests outside of having children. The benefits to you are one thing, but you will also be moving forward toward adoption with a new lease on life and a better sense of yourself. Think of it as a gift to the child that is waiting for you. They would much rather see you as the person who is happy, satisfied, excited, and faithful in life, rather than one that has suffered and is healing.
Most importantly, remember that infertility is not the end of the world. It is not a failure. It is nothing to be ashamed of. It is not a mark of your parenting ability. It is not an end and can be rather a beginning. Perhaps this is the way things were supposed to be so that you would meet and love the child that has been waiting for you all along.
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