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A Dad's Guide to Pregnancy - First Trimester
When a pregnancy is announced, everyone wants to talk to the mom-to-be about the changes that lie ahead; but, what about dad? Guys tend to stumble through a pregnancy with whatever they can glean from skimming their partner’s books on the subject (and even then, usually just the captions to the pictures). However, there are a few things that men need to consider at the start of the road leading to the baby’s birth.
Martin Downs, author of An Expectant Dad’s Guide to Pregnancy, notes that while everyone is talking about the changes the mother’s body will go through, less is said about the changes your home will undergo. There will be a lot more “stuff” to fit into what was once your private castle: strollers, high-chairs, and of course the baby will need somewhere to sleep. If there needs to be any redecorating, guess who is responsible for doing it? “Pregnant women are cautioned to avoid paint fumes,” reminds Downs, “so of course all the painting they want done falls to you [the father].”
However, don’t get so hung up on the house that you forget that your partner is actually going through a lot. Many doctors explain that while the external changes are minor, a woman’s body is involved in a great deal of unseen work in the first trimester. She will frequently be very tired, even if she is sleeping well. It’s normal, and a good partner should make allowances for this by providing extra help where possible so she can rest. One of the more obvious early signs is morning sickness, and while every woman experiences something a little different, aversions to some foods is very common. It may mean you have to eat at different times, or even change the menu a little to ease her discomfort. Be flexible, and if you must have that steak, eat later when she is in bed or head to the grill down the road.
Despite these extra demands, many men find that during the first trimester they feel a little left out of the whole pregnancy thing. Their wife is being fussed over by everyone, and all they get is the odd handshake or slap on the back. R. Morgan Griffin, author of Advice for Expectant Fathers, describes it as feeling like a ‘sidekick’ with very little to really do. These feelings can lead to difficulty in a relationship if they aren’t addressed. Griffin points out that the best way to overcome them is to talk it through and get involved. In a study of the dreams of expectant dads, done by the Clinical Social Work Journal, Doctor Luis Zayas says that work can become a dominant theme, as many guys subconsciously compensate for their sense of being uninvolved by focusing on being good providers. While the idea of financial support and stability is not bad, it needs to be considered carefully. If the relationship is already under strain, the extra hours and projects can actually create more distance between you and your partner by diminishing opportunities for intimacy and communication. If you are feeling left out, then the best approach is not to remain out of the loop but to work on getting involved in some meaningful way.
The early stages of pregnancy are the ones filled with the most wonder, and perhaps a small portion of dread, for a new dad. However, by remaining close to your partner, getting involved in the things she is going through, and offering support in small ways, it can be an exciting start to the adventure of parenthood.
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